I turned 35 this weekend and I can't help but think that since this birthday is one of the 5s it comes along with a certain level of introspection. I have felt like I wanted to document this birthday in some way but I wasn't sure exactly how. In the past few days, the idea of writing a letter to myself at the age of 70 got into my head. I remember being a little girl and wondering what I would be like at this age. It is interesting to play the same game right now. So in honor of the person I will become over these next 35 years, here goes...
To me,
You just turned 35 and you couldn't ask for more love and happiness in your life. Whatever happens in the next 35 years, remember this time and the joy that you hold in your heart. Try your best to sustain that joy and love through any hard times that come your way. Remember that you have the power to control what you think about. Always choose to look at the positive.
You are a Mommy now and you will always be a Mommy - probably a "Mom" at some point (that will come too soon). As Milo gets older, protect him but have the strength to let him make his own decisions, to try and to fail. Have high expectations of him but love him unconditionally. At some point he will become fully his own person and only he can choose his path. You can't control his actions or those of anyone else. Everyone is responsible for their own choices.
Don't be afraid of wrinkles. Remember that some of your favorite people in the whole world have wrinkles and they are truly beautiful to you. That said, don't let yourself go either! Take care of your mind and body for yourself and along the way you will be a good example to your son.
Continue to cherish the beliefs you have found but never become so sure that you don't respect other people's thoughts and beliefs equally - even when they are profoundly different from your own. Don't lose the ability to see the many shades of grey in the big questions. The world is not black and white and will never be. Listen. Work to listen more, talk less, judge less.
Don't ever lose your love of learning. It has served you well and it continually gives you inspiration and awe for the wide, wide world we live in. You will never be too old for that.
Be a good wife. Remember to practice kindness towards everyone but especially Mark. Work harder not to get so wrapped up in your own life so that his life becomes secondary. Try your hardest to give back to him as much as he gives to you.
Finally, don't be afraid of growing older. You have had an amazing life so far and it is just beginning. Change will come and it is OK. It is all just one big adventure. I am going to try to keep these thoughts in mind as life moves toward you. As long as these things remain, I know that you can be content that you have done your best with the life you have been given so far. Most importantly, enjoy!
Love,
Me
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