Memories

Today would have been Mom's 60th birthday. Though she is no longer with us, her hand will always move in my life. Mom, this is for you...

I remember coming home from elementary school crying one day. Mom gave me a quick hug and asked what was wrong. I finally admitted that someone had said she and dad were hippies. Mom smiled and said, "Well honey, we are but that is not a bad thing. It just means that we are our own people. It is OK to be an individual and not to be like everyone else.

In that moment, Mom taught me what it means to be yourself without apology.

Mom was our Girl Scout leader from elementary into high school and I have so many memories of that time in our lives (as does everyone else that was in our troop). One memory that stands out was the time she took all of us to see the NeverEnding Story. The event in and of itself was nothing unusual but the movie was just so Mom... all about imagination, the love of storytelling and books, bravery. She was so excited about it and because of that she got everyone else excited.

With that experience, Mom taught me the value of sharing myself with others and that you can connect in many different ways.

Mom loved to read. I will always remember her sitting in her chair with a book (or embroidery) in her lap while she half watched whatever was on TV (a habit I have picked up that drives Mark crazy!). She encouraged me in my early fascination with books and would feed my habit by giving me all types of adult books she knew I would like even when I was at an early age.

In those moments, Mom fostered in me one of the greatest joys in my life. Reading is one of my passions and is most definitely my escape when I need it most. She might have had a little something to do with my preferred subject material as well...

When we were kids we would often spend summers in Glendive, Montana with Mom's family. Dad stayed in Childress so it was just me, Mom and Sarah. Mom worked at a hotel as a waitress / bartender and she would come home with change and money from tips. One of my and Sarah's favorite things was going to the store with Mom the next day with a little bit of that change and getting our choice of candy. We were so excited and the days when we would go to Pizza Hut too were just icing on the cake!

That small ritual meant so much and it taught me that little things can mean a lot when you do them as a family. Now that we have Milo in our lives, this lesson is especially important to me.

Mom was the disciplinarian when we were growing up and she never spanked us... well, OK, one time she popped me on the butt when I was running by her (and actively not listening) but it didn't hurt so I don't really think that counts. She would "talk" to us and good heavens, by the end of it we wished she would just spank us. I hated those lectures but I imagine they were much more effective than spanking.

With her choice (and every resulting lecture), she made it abundantly clear to me how my actions affect other people and how to handle conflict in a positive way without resorting to violence. I am so grateful now for those "talks." They have helped me be more aware of the people around me and have gifted me with the power of reason.  I definitely inherited her skill in this area… watch out sweet Milo!

I remember two times in my childhood when I did something to really hurt Mom. Both times I was trying to show off to my friends and though I didn't intend to be cruel in either case, I was and I still don't like the way it feels when I think about either situation.

How is it that sometimes the hurtful things make so much more of an impact? These two experiences taught me that to have respect for someone means treating them with respect even when they are not right in front of you.

It is impossible to count the memories, the lessons... the moments that a person shares with you throughout their life. I credit Mom so much with the person I have become. She was unfailingly supportive in addition to being warm, happy and beautiful.  She believed in us so completely that it was never an option for us not to believe in ourselves.  I can’t think of one time when Mom told me what I should do in a situation.  She trusted me to figure things out and I did.  I am so thankful for that gift.

She was exactly who we needed her to be when we were growing up.  I will always be thankful for her impact on my life. She was a bright light in this world and will always remain a bright light in my heart.  I love you Mom.